…ZARA CHIRON…

Have you ever been in a situation where you meet a person and think to yourself, “Did nobody ever give you a hint about the way you do x, y or z?-because it sure is NOT working for you.”

I used to be a firm believer in trying to change people. Yes. I said it. I felt that the best way to be a true friend was by being 1000% honest (even when it was not welcome or asked for) and trying to help the other person be her/his best self…..yeah-did not work.

It was too extreme and one sided.

I realized that although honesty is a virtue, unsolicited advice can just be imposing, meddlesome and overbearing…plus I do not know everything in the world to feel my opinion or perception on a situation is the gospel truth and many issues are grey-not black or white.
What’s more, my idea of the other person’s “best self” did not often agree with their own idea of it.

My Virgo Moon in the 6th coupled with Mars in the 6th was just making me a pest when I truly just wanted to be helpful.

So since then I have fallen back. Yes. Took like eight giant steps backwards lol And instead of taking someone in only to mentally note all the ways I could “improve them” (wow-I really sucked!) I now take them and just thoroughly enjoy them for who they are. Or at least-I try to…(hey I am not perfect!)

But this is where I get a little confused.
I have this thing where when I decide to care I REALLY care.
And being that My Sun is in Scorpio and I am intense (8th house person-hello!) I am fiercely loyal. So much so that I feel I can be even more loyal to a person that she/he is to herself/himself.

So when I do see a loved one behave in a manner or conduct their life in a way that I know is not truly them because of what they have shared with me both verbally and intuitively about their inner desires, hopes, insecurities etc. or when I see a loved one exhibiting negative traits or obvious bad habits my gut instinct is to speak up on what I feel is on their behalf.

I just feel I am being a bad person if I don’t speak to them about it truthfully.

Sort of like if your friend has on a dress that does NOTHING for her/his (hey don’t hate on the gender queer) figure! Or if your friend has a way of outlining her resume when she first meets people that does not fail to turn off those she seeks to befriend….(sheesh.)

But nowadays….since I have chosen to simma down, I try to temper myself and even hold my tongue if I feel perhaps I might be meddling or being intrusive…After all it is their prerogative-and their life. Right?

But where does one draw the line between accepting someone else:

I mean completely; flaws, challenges, imperfections, bad habits etc. …when these things are not working for them? Isn’t it kind of schpoo to just let a train-wreck happen in slow motion….or worse, be the voluntary victim of someone else’s shortcomings-….for as long as they have them. (Gasp! Now is that even fair?) Aren’t you in a way enabling their negative or dysfunctional behavior and in turn their self-destructive lifestyle? Is that a stretch?….

If someone has a horrid habit of dominating conversations and being a terrible listener because it their natural inclination to be that way (oh I don’t know…disintegrating Popular Sanguine temperament anyone?) do you just say, “Oh that’s our Chioma!” or do you try to help her quell the bad habit and improve her personality and inter-relational skills?! I mean this is something that YOU could suffer from having to deal with day in and day out! Wouldn’t that even put tension on your friendship with her?

Or what if you notice that your friend is a compulsive eater when she is happy or in fun social settings. Do you just watch in horror as she stuffs her face (even though you know she wants to be healthy and comfortable in her skin) or do you call her out on it…? Hmm…watch her get overweight or Tell her to put the donut down…?

When is it a pure situation when you are just ACCEPTING a loved one for who they are no matter how (seemingly) negative their way of being is (whether self destructive or externally offensive) and when does it now become a situation where you are ENABLING them and indirectly encouraging that these less than ideal practices become permanent fixtures in their personalities and lives by not saying anything or by even engaging with them?

Somebody Tell Me.
I truly am still trying to figure it out.