Saving Virginity Until Marriage is Utter Bullshit

 - by Zara Chiron

virginity until marriageAnd yes, that is a chastity belt from the Spanish inquisition in that picture.

It is amazing that the physical chains have been removed but the psychological and societal ones remain stronger than ever. Whether that be in regards to “Afro” slavery or women’s sexuality.

Often-times when I hear about girls pledging to “save” their virginity until marriage, I am utterly appalled.

This way of thinking usually comes from “religious” beliefs that are rooted in deep patriarchal systems. Systems often further manipulated for the “benefit” of the men in charge of them — and are contrary to the positive essence of the very religions themselves that they claim to uphold.

Not to mention, systems like these almost always completely disregard the entire queer population like they don’t even exist!

Let’s take a closer look…..

What is “Virginity”?
This refers to the supposed piece of skin that closes the opening of the vagina. The actual vagina, not the pee-hole.”Taking the virginity” of a woman would figuratively refer to internally penetrating her with a man’s penis to stretch out this piece of skin and “open” the vagina.

Likewise a woman “Losing her virginity” means the same thing. Although, she is not actually “losing” anything! Not only does this skin naturally stretch (it does not break) over time as a girl grows into a woman, but sexual intercourse — aside from procreation, exists for collective sexual pleasure. If not, why does a woman have a clitoris which is not needed for her to become pregnant?

The Pathetic Male Ego – I’m the First and Only One!!! 
And so, when a girl is led to believe that she should save her virginity until marriage. This means that she should “save herself” (for a man she has not met yet) and wait until her wedding night to let her (now) husband have her virginity i.e. be the first (and only) man to “have” her as the ultimate ego stroke (just pun intended). Even just writing it makes me roll my eyes.

In reality, this just means that her husband’s penis will be the one which stretches out the hymen in her vagina. If it is even still intact depending on her age and body. So to be sure to attain this BLISSFUL (and questionable) goal, she waits.

No “Sex” before Marriage
Sex, is a lot of things. But to keep it simple, in this case, people who prescribe to this way of thinking, usually refer to “sexual intercourse” i.e. penile penetration of the vagina (in heterosexual terms).
Some “virgins” who claim to be saving their virginity until marriage do everything, and I mean — EVERYTHING, but engage in sexual intercourse. All sexual foreplay goes, and even back-door entry sex is not necessarily a no-go for some either.

This just becomes ….twisted. Hypocritical, pointless, uncomfortable, and just plain ridiculous!

Sexist Double Standard 
Before you try to say it. Sure, there are guys who also decide to save their virginity until marriage.
But the  real weight and societal pressure worldwide focus make it so that ALL women — no matter their religious beliefs, upbringing or personal values, SHOULD save their virginity until marriage. However explicitly stated or socially implied.

They are made to feel that they should put a cage on their sexuality unless they are unjustly labelled as wrong, dirty, impure, bad, spoiled and worthless in society’s eyes. Women are only ever truly permitted to publicly claim their sexuality within the context of their marriage as it pertains to their husbands. Since the marriage serves as some (temporary) stamp of approval. But once said woman becomes a mother, the same patriarchs expect that her sexuality should just die!

On the other hand, men the globe over are encouraged and applauded to have as many sexual partners as they please. And too often are not even fully held accountable for the raping of women.

On another note, unmarried women who choose to engage in sexual exploits are often looked down upon by the very same men (married or single!) with whom they engaged in these activities with, and other women alike.

The whole thing is so sick, hypocritical and just dumb. It need not be so complicated!

Open your Eyes, or Spread your Legs (obnoxious pun intended)
These so-called ideologies are dated, twisted and misogynistic. But we women help keep them alive as we continue to imbibe and perpetuate these very same values that make us miserable.

We deny and police our sexuality in the hopes of one day being considered “good enough” to be somebody’s wife. And yet, it has been proven that marriage benefits men more than it does women so why do we seek it out to prove or confirm out self-worth?

The Sanctity of Marriage
What is so sacred about an institution that started off, continent-wide, as a financial transaction between families to seal a standard of living? And even with the noise of today’s “love” and “romance,” this element remains. I am not saying whether this was or is a good or a bad thing. I am just stating what it is.

With the over half of marriages ending in divorce, and a good deal of those that survive being loveless, what is the big deal whether or not the women entered into it with an untouched hymen or not!?!

So Why Exactly are you Saving your Virginity Until Marriage?
Because it would make it “special,” or “romantic“? Sex is “the most important thing you could share with your partner?
Responses like these concern me because if sex is the best way that you could offer yourself to anyone then that is not saying much about you, or your partner.

I also do not get how “serving God” and being sexually active are mutually exclusive…?

Why Buy the Cow When you can get the Milk for Free?
The question in of itself just shows how little value is put on a woman. This implies that the main reason a woman would be worth anything to a man is for sexual gratification. It also dictates that a woman should refrain from sex in order to seal this coveted honour of “marriage,” since — naturally, it is the reason for her existence and should be her ultimate aspiration.

My response: Marriage should neither be the principal goal of any woman, nor motherhood. The dub weeding is not the “best day” or “beginning” or her life (really!?!). And if you are encouraging women to be so calculated and manipulative to attain their “marriage goals” by punishing their own damn selves then perhaps you need to rethink every time you judge those that you perceive to be gold-diggers.

PS: Everybody, men, women, trans, gender-queer are all drinking and serving milk. Physiologically-speaking, we are ALL inherently capable of experiencing sexual pleasure. No-one is singe-handedly giving or taking from anyone else.

Mind, BODY, and Soul – that is true Power 
I believe in the freedom to choose how one lives her life.
If you do decide to abstain from sex until you are married – then cool. More power to you. If indeed, it is truly a sincere decision that you took based on your personal expression of your individuality as a woman. And not because of external pressures imposed upon you.

Women are complete beings; mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual beings.
A woman who embraces all of who she is, is a healthy and happy human being. She makes an effort to get to know who she is as a person, develop friendships, pursue a career and aspire to, yes, obtain a life-partner with whom she could choose to start a family.

And she can be and do those things, and more, all the while having a balanced and safe sex life.

What is so wrong with that?